Valentines Day 2010

I’m still not sure
If I chose you or
If you chose me,
But it wasn’t at all like picking teams.
We were sitting on the heater,
The afternoon light filtered through the window
With the February air.
You were crying and suddenly I understood
There was something I had missed.

You are beautiful,
That was part of it.
There was an element of martyrdom as well, I will admit,
But what really hooked me was the missing.
You were this whole other person I didn’t think existed.
We had all been wrong and
It was amazing.

Not many people have had the opportunity
That we two have had
To learn about love in this way.
Looking back, the relics of our education
Make their way into the glance you give me
When I chew with my mouth open and
The roll of your eyes when I tease smiles out of your anger.
There are the little things too—
Bags of Nacho Cheesier Doritos and a water color sign
That says our names on it in perfect calligraphy.

Of late,
As you know from my incessant rambling,
I have been wondering how it is possible
To have found another love so abruptly
And I can’t stop marveling at how normal it feels
To exist in this way.

It wasn’t until the other night
When you told me that you were worried for me
That I realized this “normalcy” is something
You taught me.
Something you let me practice on you
Like a crash-test dummy
Without resenting me.
If it weren’t for you, I’d be hurdling through the world with
Shoddy air bags and a too-tight seat belt
Heading for disaster.

I think about this at night before I go to bed.
I play with these ideas when I am in class
Or when I wash the dishes and bleach the counter in
Our kitchen.
When I see who we have become
Since we truly met
That day on the heater,
I go completely crazy.
I could cry and scream and laugh and shake you
Until you get the point,
Until you start to understand just how much
I really love you.

But I wrote you this poem instead.

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~ by ettaqueen on February 13, 2011.

One Response to “Valentines Day 2010”

  1. exhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaale.

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